Is this thing on...
Today, I'm sharing a scar, not a wound. If you're not familiar with this saying, don't expect cool images of a scar. I just mean that I am sharing a hurt that's healed vs talking about it while I'm actively bleeding everywhere. But first let's rewind!
I initially began to vlog and blog about my perspective as the spouse of someone in the pursuit of the Chick-fil-A Owner/Operator journey because I searched for the same information online and came up short for what the experience was like.
In my photography business, when I felt the loneliness of being a creative small business owner, I asked if others around me felt the same. When I realized they did, I created and lead a local community for us to bond and grow together. The blogs and vlogs became my way to do this with this journey. Along the way, I've talked to so many spouses about their journeys, some did LDP, some did not, some are operators spouses now and some are not.
I stopped talking about it online when it began to get heavy. The pandemic was a fundamental shift for us. Suddenly selling our house felt like a huge regret, even though it seemed so right before. (Why God?) Suddenly we felt like we were just barely keeping up with the moves, not enjoying them like before. (Why God?) Suddenly this fun life on the road with kids that we envisioned we'd have was the last place on earth we wanted to be due to the unprecedented times. (Why God?) Still we told ourselves "we get to do this" and pushed on, but at some point, in the repetition of those words, the meaning in them began to fade. The weariness set in.
Kyle (and our family) left LDP (the full time travel role) right at two years, but we never quite shook that survival feeling. Looking back with hindsight we don't recognize a lot of how we felt in that season after. We were making a lot of decisions based on the scarcity "what ifs" vs having confidence and leaning on our own abundant vision for life.
I want to be very transparent with this all because I know how it feels to work and sacrifice and long for something and still come up short. The bitterness and regret can feel so enormous at times, then it gives way to self doubt. It's hard to recognize yourself in those seasons.
I shared all the clips of our life over the years and I, of course, hoped for the perfect highlight reel ending, but I'm not sharing that today.. I pray this will be used for His good!
Owning It..
Fast forward.. to the wound! In the years since getting off the road, we have felt like we're walking around with an open wound. We would bandage it up the best we knew how and get back to trusting the process. It seemed like I was probably healed after all?
Life would pick back up, a new several round of interviews would happen for Kyle and things would move forward right to the edge.. again and again and again. But then we'd get an another no and the wound would so easily reopen.
We were taking huge chances, worried to make pivots when we needed them, and our main support system was far away. We felt like we were treading water. It was isolating, but we still kept ourselves there, hanging on by a thread.
Instead of recognizing how this made us feel in our current season of life and slowing down on the process, each time we stood on the edge of the cliff, out of breath, low on strength and dove back into the rough waters. We gritted our teeth, fought to get out, held our breathe and dove in again. Again and again. and again.
Maybe the waters would magically calm after jumping in?
Maybe we'd come up stronger this time?
Maybe we'd get throw a life raft for once?
Diving into the unknown, no matter what. It’s a habit we adapted to out of necessity on the road during the pandemic, and one we still hadn’t learned to put away as the seasons of life had changed.
Despite the weakness to our bone that we felt, all we could think about were the success stories we heard happening to others after pushing through their own hard, dark times. How dumb it would be for us to be RIGHT on the edge and walk away, you know? We reasoned this.. again and again and again.
Then earlier this year came another blow that first felt devastating after all the sacrifices. We had made the decision to put all our eggs in one chicken coop (iykyk 🤓) and we had to take ownership of our lives again when it wasn't providing the outcome we wanted.
It was hard. In the darkest times we got lost in the thoughts like "what was it all for?". Sometimes, on the harder days, I still visit that place, but we do clearly see now that the tough times gave us the understanding that we HAD to take time away to heal, to build up our strength again and get the light back in our eyes.
They say you cannot pour from an empty cup... honestly I think we left our cups behind in a move or two ago 😅
Leaving Iowa..
In recent years, Kyle and I both put so much effort into our work growing the brand meaningfully across the state of Iowa. We grew friendships and I re-launched my photography business. We loved it there, for so long we had a vision of a life there, but it also pained us to our core to stay.
Throughout all of these changes, our family was our consistent support system even from far away. We'd been stubborn for so long, we knew we were ready to prioritize finding an opportunity closer to them. We made plans to return home to North Carolina for the Fall season, with the intention to head to Georgia soon after.
As we’ve traveled and been away from North Carolina over the past several years, we've sat on park benches in many different states across the US watching our kids and hoping for fun and exciting opportunities for our family. Many of you have watched this journey play out live!
After all these years, those prayers began leading us in a way that felt slower and more familiar than I had ever envisioned. Coming back this Fall was supposed to be a chance for respite, a pit-stop, before picking ourselves up and heading somewhere new. We were looking for another opportunity that meant we'd keep grinding and maybe go at a pace that would re-open our wounds again.. But thanks to our family, being back in NC has been a place of both rest and revival for us.
After much prayer and reflection we see the vision of what could be for us if we step back, pace ourselves, and focus on the long term for our family.
We've been so many places, but no other place has breathed life back into us like being back home, surrounded by family and friends. We’ve slipped back into our former and new communities with such ease, and that hasn't come easily for us in so long.
If we never reach the goal we initially embarked on in 2018 because of our renewed vision for our lives, we finally feel true peace with that. We have confidence we can be used for good in other ways. We trust our skills and passions can be a blessing and have impact no matter what. We know God loves us and we can have a beautiful life regardless of occupation, status or calling.
We're moving back to North Carolina!
Our aim for 2025..
Return. Reconnect. Rebuild.
Back in North Carolina.. 🫶
In the new year I'll have a blog about what that means for my business and general life, and what it's looked like since returning. Until then, know that we are excited to be back and plant roots here long term. Most of our stuff is still in Iowa so it's a slow process, but we're excited about it!
You'll also notice that I still serve Chick-fil-A's across the nation with my role in marketing. The truth is I love the brand and the work I can do with it! We aren’t giving up on our goals, or asking for pity... unless you are selling/renting a house at pre-covid market rates LOL jk. 😝 😂
We’ve done a lot of things early in life (kids, marriage, etc.) and those have all been huge blessings. Many of the most beautiful things in our lives have come quick and unexpectedly. For so long, I thought that would be our story for this journey, but we also know that some good things take time!
I believe there is a musical or Taylor Swift song that fits any life situation and here are some lyrics from a Hamilton song I’m thinking about today: “I am the one thing in life I can control. Wait for it. Wait for it. Wait for it. Wait for it. I am inimitable, I am an original. Wait for it. Wait for it. Wait for it. Wait for it. I’m not falling behind or running late. Wait for it. Wait for it. Wait for it. Wait for it. I'm not standing still. I am lying in wait.” ❤️
Why Share Now..
"To glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us."
There was a season in my life when I told myself I could never share moments like this online. Pride held me back, and my ego built walls around my vulnerability. Yet here I am, in the midst of a valley, pouring out my heart on a notes app, ready to let the world in.
Why? Because I still get messages to this day from people who found our YouTube videos or instagram posts and are considering the same journey. Because this space and my story was entrusted to me and I need to be a good steward of it in both the highs and lows. Because I looked around and saw no one sharing this part out loud, and although my flesh wants me to stay there, I know it has been laid on my heart to be bold and courageous and share this. Because someone in a dark valley is just as deserving to seeing a story they can relate to as someone on the mountaintop. Yes, it does suck, but God is still good and we are still so blessed.
"I am pressed but not crushed persecuted not abandoned. Struck down but not destroyed. I am blessed beyond the curse for His promise will endure. That his joy’s gonna be my strength. Though the sorrow may last for the night. His joy comes with the morning."
And no... I do not know when/if Conover is ever getting a Chick-fil-A. Yeah, I agree it needs one. I'm terribly sorry that after all these years I have failed on this intel mission for you all. 😅
Final Note:
LDP/Alumni spouses, if you are on the road, in a waiting season or feel alone in whatever you are facing. I hope you give this song below a listen. It has carried me through this season!
If we lived in Iowa for 4 years of our lives just so I would hear this song and share it with someone who deeply needed, it was worth it. (It's written and sung by the owner of the photography studio I used to rent in Iowa and her husband!) 🤍
I set my eyes on you
Trust in your promises
Abide in you
Despite what the process is
Lean into you
Lord you are faithful
You are for me
You always have been
You always will be
I put my trust in your faithfulness
